Mexican Living: How Many Does it Take?

How many people have to come forward with horror stories of gringo behavior coming out of San Miguel de Allende before someone realizes there is a problem? Last week, a gringo walks into a restaurant and announces to an Australian expat, "All Mexican women are bitches."

My Australian friend finds out from the American nutcase that he has been traveling all over Mexico and that while in San Miguel, some Mexican woman "bumped into him" and did not say "excuse me." Convinced that this woman had plotted all her life to bump into him "on purpose," he went on a cursing streak calling this woman every nasty name known to the English language.

Just two weeks ago, a dear friend, who would have no reason to lie or exaggerate a bit, told me of being in San Miguel at her daughter's art show when there was a band of tattooed, body pierced Mexicans playing music in the Jardin. One surly American expat decided it was his duty to stand in front of the band and give them the finger. And I think you know of which finger I speak.

What is going on in San Miguel?

I did an informal e-mail survey of gringo expats in San Miguel, revealing 100% of those surveyed being unaware of any miscreant gringo behavior. Give me a break!

My wife and I have written an entire chapter in our book with stories from former San Miguel expats (who now live in Guanajuato) and tourists who have told us the most horrific stories about San Miguel's gringo population.

Routinely, we introduce ourselves to new gringo faces we see here in Guanajuato. Without having to ask, some of these tourists ask us if we know what "the deal is" in San Miguel. They explain their observations and, folks they are not good!

I think I have an idea that would solve this problem;

· The sane San Miguel American expats will start sitting incognito in the Jardin waiting for the insane Americans to begin their nasty business.

· Seeing someone getting out of line, the sane American expats will begin blowing whistles--Much like in England with the English Bobbies when they see a crime being committed and they whistle for back-up.

· All the sane Americans expats, who will be hiding behind their newspapers munching on bagels, will leap into action.

· The offender will be dragged, kicking and screaming, into some isolated callejon and beaten senseless.

· The offended local Mexican will receive profound apologies and assurances that this crazy American will never again bother them.

· The beaten senseless American will be escorted, hogtied, to the airport in Leon and flown back to the United States. His passport will conveniently be found missing.

Seriously, it is a problem—this ugly American Syndrome--and it drives me batty each time I hear one of these stories. I do believe that self-policing will be a big step in solving this problem.

Those San Miguel de Allende gringos who do know how to act in someone else's country need to confront those who do not. And I mean confront them in groups. Get your friends together and go knocking on the doors of these Americans who have brought their little pathologies with them to San Miguel.

Tell them, and I mean this, that you (the good guys) don't want them in Mexico if they don't know how to behave as a guest in someone else's country. Remind them that this is what they are—guests. Put their names in the paper, post it on lampposts, do what it takes to pressure them into a compliance of decent behavior. Document everything, get your witnesses together, and put these ding-a-lings out of their Ugly American Syndrome business!

Do whatever it takes!

For more info on San Muguel go to this link: http://www.sanmiguelguide.com/

Doug Bower is a freelance writer and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, and The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico.

His new book, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country, can be seen at http://www.lulu.com/content/126241