Butt-Fried Rice

One thing, of many things actually, that you find happily lacking in the Mexican press is the reporting of silly and insane lawsuits. Unlike in the United States, where people will sue each another for just about anything, it doesn't seem to occur (thank God) in Mexico.

"He looked at me the wrong way and offended me. I want 10 million dollars for pain and suffering, thank you very much."

I don't know if it is that Mexico has its head screwed on correctly when it comes to tort laws or what, but you just don't see people suing over the most idiotic things here.

Here are just a few examples[1] of the extremes Americans are allowed to get by with:

· Two surfers went to court after one allegedly stole the other surfer's wave. The case was dismissed after court officials found it impossible to put a monetary value on the wave. (Can you believe the courts even attempted to try this case?)

· A California woman sued a grocery store after she dropped a six-pack of beer on her feet. The woman was not injured, but she said that it hurt. She won the lawsuit. (Amount undisclosed.)

· A man sued the city of San Diego for $5.4 million after he suffered emotional trauma at an Elton John concert in Municipal Stadium. The man says that a woman was using the men's urinal, a sight that he claims he found extremely upsetting. (Was this guy for real?)

· Jerry Williams sued and won $14,500 plus medical expenses after his neighbor's beagle bit him on the buttocks. The dog was on a chain in a fenced-in yard. Williams had been shooting the dog repeatedly with a pellet gun at the time of the incident. (Hurray for the dog!)

· Carl Truman, 19, won $74,000 and medical expenses after he sued the neighbor who ran over his hand. His neighbor claimed that he did not realize Truman was stealing his hubcaps at the time. (Someone should sue the jurors who awarded a thief one red cent!)

Now, pardon me while I make a few comments on these wonderfully litigious patriots:

· The surfer should have been slapped soundly and sent on his way. Is that insane or what? What was this guy on?

· The beer-dropping California woman should have been committed to the Betty Ford Clinic.

· The man who freaked out at an Elton John Concert over a woman going pee-pee should be told to get a life and stop being a big baby.

· The buttock-bitten man got what he deserved and the dog should be awarded the $14,500 dollars for biting the madman in the buttocks.

· The hubcap-stealing gomer who got his hand run over should have to serve time and then pay the $74,000 to the neighbor from whom he was stealing.

Here is the best one of all. John Jenkins, 53, a methane power plant operator with North West Fuels Development Inc.—an expert, mind you—goes into a port-a-potty to do his business, lights up a cigarette, and gets his butt blown out the door.

You would think this guy, an expert in this field, would have known better than to light a cig around pipes and port-a-potties full of methane gas. What was he thinking!

He wasn't.

In addition, for his carelessness, he got himself blown out the door of the toilet with his britches down around his ankles. He lived. Consequently, he is suing for $10 million dollars in damages[2]

He will probably win.

I heard of a potential lawsuit case from a friend who worked in a particular restaurant. A woman diner complained that her fried rice was cold. My waitress friend brought it back, told the cook, who promptly dropped his drawers (I swear this is true!) and sat his naked butt on the rice to warm it up.

The customer never knew about it.

How much do you think she would have won in the "Butt-Fried Rice Lawsuit"?

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[1] http://xtremods.com/vbulletin/archive/index.php/t-2458.html

[2]Man sues for $10 million over exploding toilet

53-year-old claims he was severely burned in methane blast

The Associated Press, June 3, 2005

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8085008/?GT1=6657

Freelance writer, Syndicated Columnist, and book author, Doug Bower, has written a compelling new book titled, AMERICA'S ANTI-MEXICAN XENOPHOBIA. Have you wondered if the Minuteman Project is really on the "up and up"? Have you wondered if they represent all that is good and right with America—paragons of patriotic virtue? Doug Bower may have the answers you've been looking for. <>: http://www.lulu.com/content/140958